Interviewing Bert live from the scratching post!
Ever since mom adopted me we have had cats and I think mom will always have cats so I am thinking that I should start to try and understand what makes them tick. Sophie does not like us dogs at all but Bert seems to think he is a dog so I have decided to interview him for answers to some of my questions about what really goes on inside those tiny cat brains.
I hear on tv shows that you get a better interview if your subject is comfortable in their environment so I decided to suck up my pride and place myself on one of the scratching posts by Bert. How embarrassing really and totally uncomfortable, don’t get the cats love for these things at all but I am doing it for the interview. My little behind is aching already and I haven’t even started – ouch! So, here it goes!
Emma: Thank you Bert for doing this interview with me.
Bert: No problem, will I get some cat treats for my time, you know it is my nap time that I am giving up for this! I need my 20+ hrs of sleep a day you know.
Emma: I thought mom had you on a diet?
Bert: Nah, I am sure you can get me some treats, I eat your dog treats too, you know, it is the least you can do.
Emma: I will see about that later, now on to the questions. What is your favorite thing to do?
Bert: Eat.
Emma: Seriously, what do you like to do besides eating, you are such a “guy”!
Bert: I would love to hunt but mom won’t let me outside. You and Katie get to go out all the time so I feel discriminated against.
Emma: What is up with that box you use for a bathroom – smelly old place I would say?
Bert: The litter box is great because we can go in there whenever we need to and we don’t have to go out in the cold or wet weather, or wait for mom to take us to the bathroom like you dogs do. Mom cleans it daily for us too, so it is neat and tidy. Mom is basically our servant.
Emma: What did you call mom? (Emma is growling under her breath) How rude – she is our mom, we would do anything for her!
Bert: As a cat, we see her as our servant, we allow her to be with us and work for us. Why do things on your own when a human will do them for you?
Emma: Why do you hang out on this awful thing called a scratching post? It is so uncomfortable!
Bert: We cats like to climb, something dogs cannot do! (Bert laughs, hee, hee, hee) We also like to be up high where it is safe and we can see all around our kingdom. For us it is comfortable but I think seriously, Emma, you are too big for this thing!
Emma: Do you think you are a dog, I mean you seem to like to hang out with me a lot.
Bert: I sometimes wish I was a dog because you guys get to do so much more stuff than us cats, we are just stuck at home all the time. I think you are fun but sometimes I have to beat on you because you smell like a dog and get on my nerves.
Emma: Why don’t most cats like dogs, we are so friendly? Woof!
Bert: Easy one! Duh…you dogs are big, dirty, loud and smelly and have no manners. (Bert hisses a bit) Cats are very fine, mature and clean beings, we don’t like the mess you dogs make and sometimes you are just too rough!
Emma: I have to ask if you like going on the furniture (Emma sighs in frustration)?
Bert: That is another plus about being a cat, we do what we want to please ourselves, you silly dogs worry about pleasing the humans – so wrong! We walk on the table, go on the couch or wherever we want and no one can stop us, we love being on the bed, couch, etc, something you won’t find out about since in our house dogs are not allowed on the furniture – LOL!!!
Emma: So why do you always want to team up with me in the kitchen to steal food behind mom’s back?
Bert: Oh my dog, you are such a dog! Because I need a distraction and you do that so well, then I sneak off, you follow and you get blamed – cats never let themselves take the blame if there is a dog to put it on!
Emma: I think you are mean and I think this is enough for now. (Growling and ready to nip at Bert)
Bert: I think you are just jealous and it is not me that wants to be a dog, you want to be a cat – Ha! I need to get back to my nap now anyway - now get off my scratching post before that dog smell becomes permanent.
Emma: I am out of here, you cats are just plain weird!
Bert: Says nothing, starts purring and drifting off to sleep the moment Emma jumps down.
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